explore my optimistic world

The year of the rabbit has been a challenging age for me. Finding job in a big city has never been easy. It required patience and diligence. It took several weeks before I landed into a career—first in the city hall, second, being a secondary English teacher in a private Filipino-Chinese school. I was forced to leave the government for two months because of the delayed salary (for first timer employees). But it turned out to be like “playing” when after two months of being an educator, I resigned because I can’t handle the pressure, considering that I’m not an Education graduate and I can’t control the attitudes of some students who are really acting in their teenage states. Then I returned to the government, and that's where I am now.

But no regrets after all, because part of this journey is meeting wonderful people who have made a difference to your life. And I’d like to mention them here, the persons who became part of my beautiful and bountiful 2011. First is Ante Cita, my closest in the office and my best buddy. She became the bridge who introduced and gave me the privilege to teach in a state-of-the-art institution. She’s like a mother to me; Uncle Jeffrey, our God-fearing executive and my angel in the entrance to the government; Ma’am Rose, whom I’ve learned so much from, especially on important things related to the government; Sir Jun, the Frank Sinatra of Cebu, the great “bugoy” who always make us laugh, but who treats me as his daughter; Sir Vince, the quick and kind friend and employee who continue helping us especially in processing payrolls, requests, and technical works; my co-staffers at OSCA for the good treatment as the youngest in the office; my fellow “ka-friendship” employees at the City Hall; the senior citizen members and leaders of the different chapters of Cebu especially to Sir Lan (our OSCA Head), Ma’am Edith, Ma’am Panny, and the others who are often present in the office; my bubbly, intelligent, and good-looking students of Cebu Eastern College-High School (especially the third and second years); my co-teachers who were very kind to me when I was still at that school; Myrpha and Hyacinth, my sweet pupils in the regular evening tutorial sessions; my relatives, neighbors and friends at Sanciangko especially Auntie Lisa, Uncle Aye, other uncles, aunties and cousins who are supportive to my work; Ate Merlyn, my compassionate, generous landlady; and to all whom I’ve shared my worst and happy times with, this year.

I’m glad and grateful that God made you part of my 2011. Though most of my time is spent in Cebu, but never did I forget my good friends who are in Negros, and the others who are now staying in other place to work and settle, especially my batch mates in Mass Communication, The NORSUnian (TN), board mates, friends and family in La Libertad. I miss you that much. Gusto ko magkuyog tag usab. :(

I said I won’t stop until I’ll find the job that will make me happy, but I told myself, I think I will stop here. Working in the government is but cool and adventurous. I find happiness here ‘cause most of the time, I’m doing field works and meeting different people from all walks of life. Here, I’ve got the opportunity to explore the City of Cebu, its people, and its way of governance.

I want to stay longer in the government because unlike private companies, I don’t have to worry much about my number of absences and lates, my outfit and others, only that I have to finish the task that has been entrusted to me by my heads of office and co-employees. But above all, unlike other firms and establishments, working in the government isn’t much stressful. I have quite time mingling with the visitors/ clients/constituents and co-employees, and also, quite time visiting the urban and rural barangays. This is the life that I wanted! I love working here. I’m literally moving.

Receiving “thank you” (salamat) from the people you are helping is fulfilling and satisfying. I find excitement every day that I render duty in our office at the City Hall. I love this job and I thank God for bringing me here. No regret that I’ve transferred and registered as a voter of Cebu City, because I’m able to help myself and others. This is the challenge that I’ll continue to stride.

I feel lonely. I'm missing the most important ones—Manda, Carla, Yanna, Mama, Papa and Keray. I'm just alone in the room, and before closing my eyes, the thoughts of them always flash in this mindset. I want to be home. I want to play with my sisters. I want to talk with papa and mama. I want to sleep beside them. I want to be with them again. I'm missing them so much... and I'm just carrying this pain. Christmas will come sooner, and hopefully, that would be our time together.

“Do not judge the book by its own cover.”

I've encountered this for several times already—meeting men/guys with “bad” looks (I mean the way people see them is the negative “they”, looks like they're “bad boys” because of how they carry their selves and appear in front of the majority). But when you approach them, you'll get to know that they're not how they appear to us. It's like saying that their face is rock, but their heart is as soft as mallows. Usually, this type grow beards in their face, hair not fixed well, fond of black, “snob”, arrogant at first impression, seldom smiles, etc.

Today, I got the occasion of talking with a guy who fits to the description I cited. He's an auditor at the Accounting Office. By fate, he was the one who checked and audited our documents for payroll. I had the chance of talking with him as he called my attention up regarding a miscalculation in our paper. As I went toward him, I felt uneasy. I thought I can't handle his attitude. But when he started talking and explained to me the matter, I was a little astonished. Who would expect that that would be the way he talks? He's in fact good and friendly, only that some may feel aloof to mingle with him because of his “astig” looks.

Actually, I saw him (for the first time) on the morning of the same day at the Mayor's Office, and I was already intrigued. I mean, I think I'm interested to know and befriend him. And that wish was granted in less than 12 hours.

While waiting for him to finish the auditing, the clock ticked at 3:00pm, and after observing the 3 o'clock prayer, he honestly told me that he will light a cigar outside (the building) to spend the remaining 10-minute break. He even asked my permission and uttered his concern if I can wait for a few minutes before finishing his work... that he even tapped my back if I was sure with my words. I responded with a kind smile, “okay ra sir” (it's okay sir).

*sigh* I think I like him (ahw? not part of the post)... he may look different, but with that first encounter with him, you can say that he's real. If you'd ask me, I prefer this type—“bad boy” look. It's easy to judge with what you see on the outside, but when you know who he really is, you'll be more impressed. So better not to mind with the cover, just read the content.

I’d love to be working every day. I’d rather be in the office or having field work daily than stay inside the house (or in my auntie’s house) on weekdays or holidays. When I’m at work, I break away from worries and boredom for I’m in a company of busy yet happy people. A day turns out productive when I’m from duty, but when I’m staying in Sanciangko (where I am currently residing in now), I feel like my day ends with no task completed. I just sleep, read, write whatever comes my mind, talk with the neighbors, etc… I don’t think it makes sense, I don’t think I consider it an accomplishment..

In this month, straight two consecutive Mondays were holidays, November 1 also was, and November 30 will be. When I was a student, I love holidays, for it means no class. But now that I’ve already escaped from the walls of a university life, I hate holidays, for it means no pay, I am brought closer to problems, and I feel weak.

My last day of teaching was a surprise to my students. It was like an ordinary school day. On the day or days before that, no one knew that Friday, September 30, 2011 will be my last appearance in front of the class (of the four sections).

It was a strip of pain in my heart because I’ve already established a bond/friendship and have started loving my students. Yes, I love my students despite their attitudes (negative or positive it may be), because everyone is special and everyone has a reserved space here inside me. Though I’ve only taught for exactly two months and two days, but what I’m sure of is, I will miss them all.

From the four sections I’ve been teaching to, some students are serious, some are just okay (balanced), some are playful (hyperactive), some have low interest to academics for they want to give more concentration on the things that they want the most (such as basketball, dance, etc), some are quite, some are “never-mind” (those who are not giving attention and would just opt to text or listen to the songs downloaded in their phones).

But as I say, what I will miss most about them is the times when I’m with them… because every time I go mingling with these teenagers, I’m in high spirits, I am brought back to my younger years. But the moment I walk inside the faculty room, I feel the pressure, something intense. Though managing a discussion is also wearing, but somehow, your exhaustion is alleviated when you hear the brilliant ideas of your students as they share their insights and opinions regarding a topic, and when you see them meticulously doing the task you are asking them to do.

I’m sure, they are already grown up the next time I got to mingle with them. I hope they won’t forget me as their cheerful English teacher though I was only with them for a short period of time.

This short-term teaching experience will never be forgotten. Being in a company of educators, lecturing in front of the young citizens who have mixed attitudes and levels of intelligences, meeting and talking with my students’ parents, supporting the students in their endeavors, and performing many other things which I only encountered once in my life when I became a teacher—a “ma’am” or “miss” in the eyes of the majority.

I’ve always been saying that teaching was never part of my plan, ever since. But because of destiny, maybe He wanted me to experience how life and time travels when you become a teacher…or maybe He wanted me to experience the same hardship and fun encountered by my father during his time as a high school teacher, or feel the daily sacrifices of my mother as a rural public school teacher…or maybe He wanted me to meet and befriend new, radiant people, as youthful, as bubbly, as smart, and as gifted as the students of 3rd year-Garnet and Amethyst and 2nd year-Emerald and Sapphire.

For only about two months, I’ve learned to love my students, not as my sons and daughters, but as my younger brothers and sisters. With them, I was brought back to the days when I was also in the same place as where they are now. And I can so much relate with them especially with those who are good in creating jokes and making the whole class laugh, as I was also like that during my high school years.

For a span of two months, I’ve discovered how hard life is when you are a teacher—studying and mastering the topic you have to discuss to your students, managing the class (which I admit I am poor of), reprimanding hard-headed and disrespectful students (which despite the several times you rebuke them, they will insistently and continuously do), writing lesson plans (which I hate the most as it eats most of my time), checking numerous papers and recording scores, waking up early, and more things (which are many to mention) that make teaching difficult which brought me to the conclusion that “teaching is sacrificing”. I also noted that while the students are learning from what you have discussed, you are at the same time learning from them. So there is still that “student-teacher rapport and interaction”.

During my time as teacher (as much as possible), I strived to have a fun-learning classroom lecture and activity. However, later I realized that teaching is not really for me (I can feel what my impulse and instinct are telling me). And I don’t want to stay for a long time in a place where I don’t think I am fitted into. That’s why the decision of resigning was formulated before October embarks.

There are still many deserving individuals than me. I am heartily giving this up because I am not for this field…teaching is not for me. And I think it is better to quit early than to let people hope and believe that I love this and I am dedicated to my job though I give full effort to be an effective educator.

At first, I got no problem with the students. I found them prim and proper. But days after, they let their colors show. I understand because it’s high school; it’s the peak of fun and enjoyment and I also did the same thing when I was in high school. There are still a lot of things I would like to share about my students but my brain is emptied because I’ve started missing them.

To put a permanent period to this post, I would just like to say that I love my students but I am not interested with teaching. I felt anew with the responsibilities because this was not the course I have studied and teaching is not my cup of tea.

Teaching was never part of my plan. I never aimed of becoming an educator despite the fact that papa has taught TLE subject at St. Francis School-La Libertad before and with mama who is currently teaching in Guihob Elementary School, a rural school in our place. But I was brought to this profession by fate.

Tuesday afternoon of July 26 this year, boredom hit so Auntie Cita, my colleague in one of the city government offices invited me to go with her to visit a friend at Cebu Eastern College (CEC). When we arrived at the mentioned school, I never expected that the friend she meant is the principal of the school. He’s not only Auntie Cita’s friend, but her best friend. We had good chitchat until we arrived at this topic about a high school English teacher who is resigning, for the latter will transfer to a public school. Because I’m a Mass Com graduate, the principal thought that I could also teach English, “so why not try to demo tomorrow?” he suggested.

I smiled, and though I already have a little knowledge on what a demo is, but I don’t know how to execute it yet. But still I replied, “Okay, I will try sir!” words filled with optimism and confidence. I asked what topic am I going to discuss, and also get some tips, advices, and techniques from him. “You should master your craft,” this challenged me the most as I got a “yes” response from the principal when I asked if the students in their school are very inquisitive.

I didn’t have money that time so I borrowed P50 from Auntie Cita, and bought “cartolina”, pentel pen and scotch tape. I only spent less than P15 because I chose the cheapest materials, thinking that it is only good for one usage and purpose.

The topic assigned to me was “The Active and Passive Voice” which I already forget. Good that I have photocopied few pages from their book about the lesson. Even though I hate making visual aids, but still I made because that’s part of a demonstration. There was no color, no styles, nothing new and interesting about my material, the same as with the visual aids I made when I was still in high school and college. But that “cartolina” was very special (that I’m still keeping it now) because it served as a witness to the first teaching demonstration in my life.

And Wednesday came. I was scheduled for an 8:50-9:30 AM demo at the third year Amethyst section. I was almost late for I was looking for the English coordinator, the one who will observe and critic my presentation.

When I got inside the classroom, I told one of the students that “I’m nervous,” as I asked him to paste the cartolina in front. The scotch tape I bought could not hold the material so Ma’am Beth, the English coordinator sent a student to get a stronger tape at the faculty room. Still, I continued my discussion.

At the end, there were no questions from the students. I supposed they have understood, or maybe, they never understood and they were only ashamed to ask me. I didn’t know about how they feel when I was standing, talking and discussing in front of them, but what I’m sure of with is that, I’ve delivered my piece to the best of my ability.

I was relieved after the demo and stayed for a while, waiting for the decision. Then Ma’am Beth told me that if she were to decide, I have already passed, but she still needs to consult the principal and the students about their observation on me and how they will rate me.

According to the English coordinator, the students like me (daw) and “ako na jud" (daw). And who wouldn’t be happy with those compliments? Later, she told me that I can start tomorrow as an official replacement to the resigning English teacher. At first, I doubted and asked myself, “Did I really pass?” I can’t believe I became qualified. During the demo, I just (acted) as if reporting in college, in front of my classmates.

According to Ma’am Beth, with a limited time of preparation, she was impressed because I was able to deliver it, and considering that I’m not an Education graduate. Wow, I heard that straight from the coordinator’s mouth. Wow, that was a compliment that gave me more confidence. Then I talked with the principal, the other teachers, and students.

On the 26th of July was my first day in teaching. I marked that day very special. I met all the sections— second year (Emerald and Sapphire) and third year (Garnet and Amethyst). I introduced my name (they also did) and presented some of my rules.

Indescribable was my feeling when the first day of teaching in my life ended. A rain of happiness came my way, and I felt fulfilled. Only now that I realized that teaching is rewarding, that teaching is the best profession a person could have. You share what you know and you receive a smile which says, “thank you” from your students. I salute all the teachers with that!

Now, I’m on my 4th week of teaching here in CEC. I know this is an experience that could never be paid nor replaced by any other things, so I will treasure everyday of my stay here.

I know I won’t stay here for a long time as more than half of my brain pushes me to go back to the government so I can use my civil service eligibility. But though I’ve already planned for that, I’m still proud to say that “teaching is the noblest job” because I have proved it.

I love all my students. Yes, I’m saying this from the heart. Despite the exhausting day, still you find yourself smiling and feeling fulfilled because of your students. But to my students, forgive me when I say, “This is my first and last year in teaching. CEC will be my first and last school.” On the next episodes of my life, only God knows. Whether he will let me stay here or not, only His will prevail.

Today is the start of the First Periodical Exam for all students here. English (which subject I am teaching for the 2nd years and third years) is the first test. I was reminisced by the same situation where I was also sitting and answering the test questionnaires. But now is different. I am the one watching over my students as they answer the questions I made. Wow, I can’t believe this is turning into reality! That I’m now the one making the questions!

However, I observed that some questionnaires have complicated instructions. Why make the instruction complicated for students? I only wanted to give my comment on this matter. What does a teacher wanted to find out and prove in giving difficult directions to students? Do they (teachers) really want to test the students when they can even shorten their statements into one or two sentences? I mean, they’re still students and they’re not yet professionals to understand all the policies of the mentor. I think this is one thing that all teachers must consider with.

And another, why very strict when it comes to erasures especially to a difficult and complicated exam? It’s okay if you impose a “no erasure” policy if your test is easy and do not require computations. Lastly, why not allow students to get a scratch paper for their computation, and instead, let them use the vacant spaces in their test questionnaires?

Sometimes, being very strict is no better to consider. There are things which should not be implemented strictly for everything depends on the situation. Sometimes, the teachers should know how to put themselves in the shoes of their students.

This is only to say my opinion and express my sentiment, not for the students, but to some mentors. Thank you.

The Cebu City financial assistance for senior citizens was started in 2009, during the time of former Mayor Tomas Osmeña. On the next year, from P2, 000, the amount was increased to P4, 000. Now, with the present administration of Mayor Michael L. Rama, it’s still P4, 000.

Cebu City doubles the amount Makati City gives out to its elders. There, they give P2, 000, while here, the government distributes P4, 000 to every elder. Other cities have started expressing their will and interest to adopt the same program—an indication that this program is a role model.

During the State of the City Address (SOCA) of MLR, the mayor stated that the city will make every effort so that the financial assistance will be distributed to the seniors starting the second week of July. I’ve heard from reliable sources that to make the process faster and more convenient for the elders, this time, the distribution will no more be in the city hall, but to every barangay.

But only one question bothers my head—why are senior citizens frequently asking about when the financial assistance be distributed to them, which sounds like rushing to claim the money? Really an attitude! Once you give something to someone, expect that they will ask again for more. “Kung sugdan, magpangita. Kung pirmihon, mag-anad.”

The city is not indebted from the senior citizens, only that the city government is concern about the social and physical welfare of the elders. These persons did not even deposit money for them to have something to claim when they become old, but because they are given big importance, then a big blessing is waiting for them too.

Instead of questioning several times about the financial assistance (which has become the major topic among elders in the city), the senior citizens must be thankful that their significance is still considered and that they are never disregarded by the city.

The elders should be open to the reality that the population of elders in the city is rapidly increasing after hearing that Cebu City is giving out money to elders. Senior citizens from provinces and other cities have transferred residency and acquired positions in the city so they can also avail of the benefits which the city government is giving aside from the financial assistance. Ghost senior citizens are rushing to come in the city.

Because of the ‘almost’ doubled population of elders today, expect delay in the processing and verification of names of the registered senior citizens. So normally, the result is, delay in the distribution of financial assistance.

This is one thing that the senior citizens must consider of. To the elders who are fortunate to receive the financial aid this year, just wait. Anyway, this money will be given to you in a sooner time. The final destination will still be your hands. Patience is still a great virtue.