explore my optimistic world

I’ve been embarrassed several times, not to include the countless instances (on elementary) when I have to dance while my sweat runs down my face. “No unnecessary movements”—as what the teachers and instructors often said during rehearsals, how much more on the final stage performance? I am the “sweaty” type. I got this from papa. Until now, I’m suffering from this kind of condition. I can’t move freely because just right after few minutes, you can notice sweat around my face. That’s why I’d opt to stay in cold places than stay outdoors.

Aside from that, there was also this moment in one of the hotels in Dumaguete, when I got slipped on the floor because of my slippery doll shoes. Actually, that pair was stolen from an “ukay-ukay” store the day before I wore it. Maybe that was what we call karma or payback, lol~! And mama saw the whole show. The only good thing there was, the glide took place when I almost reached mama’s table to hand her the key of the hotel room. The other attendees of the seminar also saw the “perfect moment”, and they were all looking at me. I just silently went out of the conference room because of shame. (Sigh) I can’t imagine myself that time. I can’t imagine how I look like in front of mama’s colleagues. But instead of becoming stiff and bothered, I just laughed all the way until the tricycle reached the campus.

Another hilarious embarrassing experience (most shameful actually), was on my last year in high school. It was during our Founder’s Day Celebration on the month of October. Together with my classmates Jerwin, Niño, Francisco, Rowen and RV (a third year student), we formed this band, the “Beginner’s Band” as they call it (it was them who decided on the name of the group, haha!). What was that song I sang? Ahh, that was “Crazy for You” of Madonna. You may think that it’s a simple song, but hey, with a vocalist (kuno) who has no practice, the song might be murdered. Yes, I ruined the melody and beauty of the song in front of a large crowd of parents, students, faculty, and visitors. Our music teacher irritably looked at us, or at me specifically. Still, I managed to take away eyes off her, often. And thanks to Jerwin who helped me bring back the tune. He was a vocalist, as well as the guitarist of the band. As a music fanatic, he wrote a song which was supposed to be sung (by us) on our Founder’s Day. He provided the Intro, I did the rest until its Bridge. I also gave the title, and have already arranged its tune (six years ago). And how I wish, Chris Daughtry will sing this for the world to hear. The song really fits to his quality of voice. The lyrics I’ll share at the bottom of this post.  

And back to the topic, this one’s the bluest embarrassing moment of my life—when mine is the only name that wasn’t called during the Teacher’s Day. I was a new teacher in one of the Filipino-Chinese private schools in Cebu that time, when I just turned 20. Maybe the school admin hasn’t also noticed the absence of one name while preparing the certificates and gifts. But even if… in my part, it still wasn’t fair. And worse, I was the only teacher who’s not in uniform for I wasn’t informed of the dress code and I didn’t have any single idea on their “customs” every time they celebrate their Founding Anniversary. That’s why I just finished the ceremony and returned home unhappily. I didn’t attend the other important events.

Some of my students even asked why my name wasn’t called. I just answered calmly, as if I did not feel disappointed. Until now, every time I think of it, I am still dismayed and sad. But okay, stop recalling that bad memory. It already belongs to the past. Anyways, that’s one of those who make me stronger now.

Meanwhile, here’s the song which I promised to share.  

Not Meant to Last

I'm finally here out of those places
Counting the days that I've been missed
As I'm watchin' on the rainbows
I could imagine you

How I wish for you to be in my life
Coz I can't erase you here in my mind
But all I can do is to say
This words of love for you to stay


For you I will make thousands of songs
To show this feeling to where it belongs
And though the love will just fade
No one can erase the love that we've made.

I can't lie to my self and have to admit
That the one like you is hard to forget
But this life's reality goes
That we're not meant to last and just say...
(repeat chorus)

It's really hard to accept it
It's unbelievable to conceive
But we have to search for real
And make it satisfy that destiny's not for us.
(repeat chorus)